What’s An Author To Do?

I have a pretty cool job.

I’m a writer.

I get to sit around all day, filling my head with beautiful music, and imagining characters, plots, creating romantic sci-fi/fantasy type stuff. My mentors include Asimov, Roddenberry, and Serling. That’s where the sci-fi/fantasy comes from. My romantic influences are Keats, Louisa May Alcott, S.T. Coleridge, and Dorothy Wordsworth.

I enjoy writing, and I’ve been told I do it well.

I can’t afford to self-publish.

So I’m glad to have a WordPress blog.

An author, like every other artist, needs an audience to try their stuff on.

I appreciate the feedback, and of course, the dopamine rush I get from accomplishing something.

When a person has a disability, or they start losing the abilities they once had–depression sets in.

It’s natural to work. We weren’t designed to sit around all day with nothing to do.

At one time, I accomplished things mostly with my body. Travelling to a job, being a wife and mom, acting in community theater, singing and playing the keyboard are very physical activities.

Then aging happens. Or you’re diagnosed with a condition or three that eats away your muscles and nerves, till the only thing you can do is live in your mind.

The family I thought would be there in my thirties, were there. In my thirties.

Now, at fifty-eight, my grown children aren’t involved with me. As diseases started to take over my body, along with his, it tore our marriage apart.

That family is no longer here. Even my close friends have moved away.

So I write. I share my writings, as though responding to an unknown prompter. (Except I know exactly who prompts me).

People can publish things on Amazon, but you have to be able to seee in order to use their system.

*Kindling Friendship* Thea Ramsay

via *Kindling Friendship* Thea Ramsay

This is an interview I did with Joan Miles, a delightful woman. Check out her blog, Jewuniquely  Myself.

We had a wonderful afternoon together, even if the chocolate was virtual. Of course, that means no calories. Can’t say the same for the real stuff.

I know I’ve spoken a lot about my baby, Lucy. Her story isn’t finished, not by a long shot.

In this interview, I speak of another book, now available both as a Kindle and a paperback, “A Very Special House”. It got a five-star review. My publisher is crazy about this novella. If author and publisher are anything like husband and wife, my marriage to LDL Books is something like Isaac and Rebekah, in Genesis. Isaac loved Esau, while Becky favored Jacob. Caused quite a bit of trouble, too. In my case, my publisher favors “House”, while I adore my little Lucy, and want to see her hanging out with the likes of Dorothy Gale and the Pevensy children. I want to see the romantic planet, Andorpha standing beside Oz and Narnia.

Anyway, “House” is a stand-alone. Lucy’s story is much more complex.

But I digress. Joan was kind enough to interview me, even fascinated by my idiot-syncrasies. Ha ha.

AUTHOR’S CORNER: Clutter-Clearing Equals Satisfaction by Leonore Dvorkin

via AUTHOR’S CORNER: Clutter-Clearing Equals Satisfaction by Leonore Dvorkin

This woman and her husband are my publishers, promoters, and two of the finest human beings I’ve ever met.

I don’t know if her books are accessible to the blind, (EBooks sometimes are, and sometimes aren’t), but one way or another, I’m going to read her.

My books, which can be found at http://www.dldbooks.com/thearamsay/ bear their painstaking work, and make this author’s work look good. They even show my book, Lucy, which was published by another company.

I heartily recommend Mrs. Dvorkin’s work, not just because she and her husband, David, are my publishers, but because getting to know them has been a blessing. If you aren’t fortunate enough to know her as a person, give her books a read.

Disability Dysphoria

In the wake of transgender, and gender dysphoria one hears about these days, I came to think how, since I knew I was different from other kids, and couldn’t do the same things they could, I’ve hated my blindness with a purple passion!

Yeah, I know this flies in the face of positive thinking and self-affirmation. But that’s how it’s always been with me. My dysphoria seems to go back before I can remember, as my mom used to tell me I’d pluck the eyes out of my dolls. Hey, if I couldn’t see, I was damned if they would.

My other blind friends, by and large, didn’t seem to feel quite the same way.Even now with chronic pain that’s worsened since I wrote in last, and mental illness, it’s the blindness thing that really pisses me off at some deep level.

So, I thought, Hey, maybe I’m transabled–a sighted person trapped in a blind body? Hmm. I went looking on the web to see if the term had been coined; indeed, it had.

But when I found out what the term meant, I was … well, a lot of things, not the least of which was, shocked.

I read about a woman, Jewel, who’d apparently been on Dr. Phil a couple years ago. Jewel was born normally sighted, but all her life has wanted to be blind. Apparently, from her childhood, she would try to do things that would make her blind, like staring at the sun.

Finally, her psychologist poured Draino in her eyes, and she now apparently lives as a contented blind woman.

Excuse me while I go to the barf room.

I didn’t realize how triggering this story would be for me. I wrestled with rage against this woman for several days.

How could she, gifted by the Creator with something I couldn’t get by science or divine intervention, throw that gift away? And what the hell was her psychologist doing? I hope he or she has had their license revoked, and is in jail, right next to Michael Jackson’s doctor.

Well, after some processing, which included gruesome fantasies about what I’d like to do to both of them, rest, prayer (well, I did have to ask forgiveness for those fantasies), and a talk with my therapist, I still don’t know what to make of this so-called transabling.

Normal, healthy people wishing to be disabled? Guys cutting off their limbs, people wanting spinal cord paralysis, and Draino in perfect, 20/20’s?

Let me tell you something, just in case you’re entertaining such thoughts. There’s nothing–nothing–romantic, fun, or noble about being disabled. I was born totally blind. I have never seen the light of day, my kids’ faces, or a color. I cannot walk across the street safely. I cannot drive a car. The world of theatre and movies, which I love, is largely closed to me. As a bisexual, I’ve been told by members of both genders that they will not date me because I’m blind. (Not, by the way, because of my mental health issues, or because I’m just about in a wheelchair, courtesy of worsening chronic pain); my blindness.

Besides the obsessive thoughts of imagining this woman’s therapist  putting Draino in her eyes to make herself blind, and even while I felt sick at heart and sick to my stomach, all I could think was: You stupid bitch! Have you any damn idea what you’ve just thrown away?

Can you imagine what I might do, or who I might fuck, just to see a sunset, be able to color with crayons, and enjoy learning which color is which, like a kid?

As for the paralysis wannabes: I’m almost in a wheelchair. I can’t walk or run or ski or roller-skate or swim.

I know this isn’t too PC, but I wish transgendered people couldn’t get gender-affirming surgery. If you’re born a guy, stay a guy. If you’re born a girl, keep it that way.

There’s a Christian trans-woman by the name of Lisa Salazar, who put out a book called “Transparently.” It’s on http://www.amazon.com I think. Her reason for the change, or at least the reason I heard, was “I didn’t feel adequate as a man.”

This man was married, with kids. I can only imagine how much suffering he caused his family, particularly his wife. But I digress.

If that’s all it takes, to change one’s gender, what’s next? Transabled people–perfectly privileged by their Maker with the gifts of sight, hearing, movement, decide they don’t feel adequate as able-bodieds, so they go to their enablers to get their arms chopped off?

Well, hey, guess what? I don’t feel adequate as a blind person. I’m seriously disability dysphoric, always have been. So, why can’t medical science do anything for me?

I really want to see. I desired that long before I knew about Santa or Disney or wishing on a star, or even wishing for love. I’m not happy in my skin either.

I’m always on the lookout for new research, but it just leaves me with my tongue hanging out. As I grow older–52 now–the chances of any doc using me for research is pretty slim. And I’ve heard that some people who regain sight after not having had it, are depressed, or can’t stand the new sensory stuff coming in.

That’s not me; I’d go for it. I would enjoy learning what the new sensory stuff was all about.

I hope I’m writing to people who have a proper appreciation for the things they can sense and do. As dysphoric as I am about my blindness, I love my other senses and faculties. Great music, soft fur like my cat There-There has, a good meal, the smell of coffee, the taste of chocolate–I treasure them all.

If you happen to have been diagnosed as transabled or Body Integrity Identity Disorder, and you harbor some fantasy about being blind, deaf, paralyzed, or an amputee, just remember you are wonderfully made by the Creator. There’s at least one person who’d love to be in your shoes. And you have a gift or faculty the Creator withheld from someone who’d just about kill to get it, if possible.

Ask Joni Earickson Tada how she likes being a paraplegic. Last I heard, she can hardly wait to go to Heaven so she can dance again.

Me? I’m still pining for the only thing I’ve never known. I have so many questions. What is seeing like? What is it like to know something’s there without hearing or touching it? What are colors like? I’m waiting for science to get around to me, but not holding my breath.

Left behind

app.primevideo.com/detail

I highly recommend this well-known movie because of its edginess and it’s up-to-date. It’s quite different from the left behind of 2030 years ago when the suit series 1st came out. I’m dictating into my phone so I hope that old Siri doesn’t make too many mistakes. I highly recommend this movie. There’s a couple of them afterwards too. I was surprised to see it even made mention of Covid and some of the conspiracy theories surrounding that too. None of that took away from the story but it’s definitely this is a good edgy Christian movie for an edgy generation. I even like the fact that they, some of the characters sometimes use words like damn or hell in reference to cussing. Those mild cussing mild cuss words are I think, adding to the realism of the characters. This is definitely not a veggie tale. Nor is it the handmaid’s tale. I always thought, Mrs. Atwood and Mr. Miller Took the Bible tour apart, and didn’t really try to understand the culture of the time. Anyway, I was upset by how they treated the material so dishonestly in handmaid’s tale. Some of the stuff the handmaid’s were allowed to do such as reading and writing Aren’t even Christian. A lot of Catholicism was part of that but anyway, the chosen and left behind are much more biblically accurate movies. They’re way more accurate about who God is. I would definitely I hope that somebody enjoys this cause it’s really good and there’s a few other movies after that. Sorry I’m babbling. I’m not writing. I’m dictating into an iPhone and I don’t have a prepared speech. Enjoy 

The Chosen is great but the app sucks

thechosen.frontrow.cc/video/184683594993

If you are using voiceover, if you are completely blind, you will be frustrated trying to use this app. While Netflix has only the first season available, they didn’t have to be bugged and bugged and pressured by other people to make their stuff accessible. There’s a lot of stuff I wouldn’t watch on Netflix and I’d like to cancel my subscription. But, they do have season one of the chosen. And I am so sick of asking people to make their apps accessible, I am so blasted sick of it, that I’ve just ran out of words and patients. 

90-year-old volunteer fired over a question not a confrontational just a question

youtube.com/watch

All this woman did was ask a question and they kicked her out for this? I don’t care what the society or charity is for. When you start telling people they’re fired, which by the way, she wasn’t even a paid employee she was a volunteer. When you start doing that, you should be boycotted. All the women did was ask what you meant by pronouns and you created a big fat ass issue so I think the MS society should be boycotted. Don’t send them your money. That goes for the Canadian national Institute for the blind as well. Don’t support them.

Lovestruck at the theater

There are two times when I feel most alive. When I’m in love, and when I’m in the theater. My friend Patricia and I went to see freaky Friday. The actors didn’t just use the stage, but they also came out into the audience and I could feel them moving past me, and around me as they did the show. It was awesome, almost like being in the theatre again. I mean as an actor. This time I was just a member of the audience but I love the theater. 

On Changing Perspectives

Daily writing prompt
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

I love these writing prompts.

They make you think, which is great if you’re trying to wind down, or can’t sleep at midnight.

I guess that one good thing about losing most of my health and family, is that I’ve learned compassion for others.

I have a couple of good neighbors I’d call friends who’ve never really been touched by major sickness or disability.

Nice people? Yes.

Patient with things like depression or sadness? No, at least not with my depression or sadness.

I know someone who’s so privileged. Her health is great. No disabilities. She lives an active life with her husband and kids, none of whom suffer any health issues.

I once tried to tell this person about my circle of friends.

All the people I know well are blind from birth. They’re also bipolar, have schizzophrenia, borderline personality disorder, and cerebral palsy.

This privileged person snapped “Aren’t you grateful about anything?” Slapped me down verbally.

I hadn’t been belligerent or upset. I was just talking about my homeys, and I got treated like a twelve-year-old coming home from Christian camp.

This person is less than seven years older than me, and she still treats me like one of her kids. Apparently, she seesnothing wrong about this.

I didn’t get the chance to tell her about how God was being good to my homeys who are blind+. Blind plus.

I didn’t get the chance because this privileged Karen (not her real name), can’t handle anything.

I and my friends frequently show compassion and empathy if one of us is in hospital, having a bipolar or psychotic episode, and generally don’t feel that life is lollipops and rainbows.

That’s what Disney and Star Trek do for me. They’re my lollipops and rainbows.

I know this life will be hard. I’ve been schooled.

I can get a temporary escape from the entertainers I love, and from cannabis.

So, if a refugee from Gaza, who has suffered unimaginable degradation should move in next door to me, I wouldn’t slap them back, because I don’t think of disabled or traumatized people as children, for me to chasten and control.

If they wanted to describe their experiences to me, I know what it’s like to be “Karen’d”. I wouldn’t do it to someone else.

It’s made me more compassionate, less narrow-minded. I think a lot of people’s problem is they have it too frigging easy. Their problem is their privilege.

I’d shut up and listen, and thank God that I didn’t go through that.

The Gilded Cage Chapter Two

Expectant World

Vina stared up at the Talosian sky, wishing on each star she counted. She barely noticed the barren world she called home. Tonight, she was looking up, not around her. Each twinkling, distant light added to the excitement felt by everyone on Talos IV.

Morpheus may be a little too fond of the stick, but, hot damn! He’d found her a mate who commanded a starship and looked like a movie star. A mate, she was told, who was sure      

to find her attractive. This Christopher Pike looked strong enough to carry her across the threshold, and virile enough to carry her upstairs and kick the bedroom door shut.  

She gazed at the stars a long time before going back underground.

The Keeper rarely smiled. But he did so now. “Our last hope of salvation speeds toward us.Let’s go over the details of the experiment one more time, Dr. Tova. … Tazz, your attention is required.”

“Why, Magistrate? Why should we? You’re in professional hands. Mine. It can’t fail.”

“You can afford to be optimistic, Chief Rewarder. I haven’t the same luxury.”

“Then be a pragmatist. It must work, so we’ll make it work.”

                “Vina’s dream man is going to be my nightmare. He’ll require a firm hand.That may mean afflicting her to get him to co-operate. Worse

, she’ll go along with it just to get him.” He shrugged. “So be it.”

“You mean punishment. I wish you wouldn’t. I’ve looked over these settings. Rigel VII, the hometown picnic, and the glistening green girl, can be handled by my staff. You don’t need the Chief Rewarder for these dull settings. Now, if you need something truly fantastical, say, Miss Vina as queen, with a castle in the clouds, and drop-dead gorgeous man-slaves to adore her, I’m your man.”

“The green girl is pretty damned exotic.”

“Oh, please. Arabian Nights. Big deal. I wouldn’t put my name on any of these stick drawings. Mundane, mundane, mundane. There’s nothing compelling enough to induce a healthy, active starship captain to stay here under your boot heel, But something fantastical might do. Let me dazzle them.”   

“We don’t have time for a honeymoon with the creature. We must know now whether the male can be conditioned to accept the life we offer.”

“Also known as punishment.”

“I’m being a pragmatist, as requested. Whatever works.”

“Magistrate, really, why make the female so servile? I object to this whole plan.”

“But you’re going to carry out your duties as you agreed. You object to man serving us, yet you await a pet, also known as a devotion slave. You can’t talk.”

“Not the same thing, and you know it. If you don’t need me, I’m off to the surface.”

“Walking with no place to go,” the Keeper scoffed.

“Walking is a good aerobic exercise. You might try it. Do we want our species to survive or not?”

“Who said we didn’t?”

“Off hand, I’d say chipping a little girl’s hand with an explosive device that triggers when, as a woman,  she’s with child is a good indication.”

“Leave my sister out of it! You both knew the rules. Nardis was my responsibility. I should have … Just go, will you? Just go.”

Tazz stood shakily. “She was my bride.”

“I said go!”

Tazz glared at his boss. “You can’t save your species with just your mind alone.”

“If you say so. Just don’t let your mind go soft, assuming it’s not too late for you already.”

“Before I go, consider this. They didn’t start the war that nearly wiped us out. The whole burden of saving ourselves shouldn’t fall on them. Not to mention the fact we’re luring them into service. They should be well paid for their services.”

“They will be as long as they co-operate.”

“You’re asking a healthy, active starship captain to cheerfully give all that up to live on this rock?”

“He’s tired of it. He wants out.”

“He needs a rest. Were I wearing that medallion, sir, every creature we lured into service would be given Paradise. I certainly wouldn’t reduce them and demand they like it. It’s no use to talk to you.”

Tazz strode out of the Council chambers.

Morpheus watched Vina pacing. If all went well, there would be children soon. Not Talosian children, because their intellect and their increased life-span meant they didn’t need to procreate much. He and his generation would have time to develop the slave community. With any luck, he’d be too old when it came time to replace their numbers.

Procreate. The word disgusted him. The animal stench of copulation, the emotional roller-coaster ride lower animals called love, left him and everyone else who was normal cold, if not sickened.

Except for that damned pervert, Tazz, and little Nardie,who’d paid the ultimate price, because of her hot blood disorder, which he’d taken advantage of.

Now the degenerate wanted to mate with a lower creature. The same species as the caged human female. Had the man no decency at all?

No matter. The female watering Tazz’s mouth was clueless. She’d be the Chief Rewarder’s plaything, pet and slave. All they had to do was meet.

Morpheus turned his mind to something else. Anything else.

Tazz knew well the emotions of the specimens he’d rewarded down through the centuries. Through them, he’d experienced the tastes and textures of food and drink, courting, mating, and the joy of new offspring.

Now, as he exercised, a routine of hope he’d held to for decades, his own happiness and gratitude threatened to overwhelm him.

Yesterday, while searching space for a suitable mate for Vina, he’d bumped into a sweet, little mind. Astonished, he’d stopped deep breathing and focussed his entire mental gaze on that which had touched him. The music she listened to, and the emotional high it took her on, swept him away, too. He beheld a rich imagination, and such warm emotion. Such sensuality, and a longing for a real love to shower all that sensuality on.

Lacking that, she took out a small device, and puffed on it like a cigarette. That longing suppressed for a while, she danced to twenty-first century rap. He watched her dab from the vape pen, and enjoyed the alterations in her consciousness. It kept her from feeling the sharp pain of not having a dance partner. Why a female like that had  to resort to fantasy, he didn’t know. But he was grateful it was so.

Intriguingly, this mind had no perception of sight. With senses so delicate she could be an artist, a fascinating array of textures replaced the colors she’d never seen. This mind was forever in quest of beauty wherever she could find it. In her mind, shapes and textures shifted. His heart went out to her. She relied heavily on the substance in that vape pen. It concerned him.

Maybe he should mete her in her dreams tonight. She was an adept lucid dreamer. If their minds met, maybe he could show her a color, like purple or baby pink—something she couldn’t experience on her own.

The captain was still Objective Number One. For the governing Oligarchy, an experiment which would, if successful, allow them to build a happy servant class. The Regime didn’t need the Chief Rewarder for that. So he was free to concentrate on his pretty little SweetMind.

He hoisted boulders, tossing them hand to hand, working out the details, he’d kissed the Regime’s ass, hurt his conscience, just to get her. She would help him forget. They would leave him alone. She and him, alone. He’d be God, and she his little angel. She would never know what it cost him to get her. As Chief Rewarder, he was part of the Oligarchy, and he would have to support the damned regime to keep her, and his job

But how to make sure she beamed down? Ah, he had it. The survivors needed an empathetic therapist. Of course, he couldn’t force the captain to do it, but a strong subliminal and a double-quick image of her face did the trick.

All he need do once she beamed down was separate her from her handlers.. He walked and thought about the problem.

The order was real, the long conversation illusory. While the captain had no clue he was being influenced, little SweetMind had caught on, and he was delighted with the cunning little rascal.

The yeoman assigned was ideal. Flighty, easily diverted. Her jailers wouldn’t be so easily distracted, though if he could keep the Vulcan off balance long enough, he could lure her away. Piece of cake. He licked his lips in anticipation.   

Last, not least, the dear pet herself. How could he get close enough  to win her trust, and carry her off?

He rehearsed some possible scenarios. Having made a plan, he threw a boulder into the canyon, and did a jig. Oh yes, he had this. Once she got a taste of him, she would never want to leave.

Now he could relax, be high on her. The stars twinkled their approval, while she sped to his arms, and had no idea her life was about to change.

Vina’d never seen the Talosians smile. It didn’t improve their appearance, but it did mean no punishment. Now, one of them was grinning like an idiot, offering a glass. Well, why not? Who didn’t like bubbly?

“It’s official. Our species will survive!”

“Calm down, Tazz.”

“Pay no attention to Morpheus, Miss Vina. We’re having a party.”

Illusion addicts lifted their huge heads, rubbed their eyes, filled with hope and a euphoria Vina was sure warmed and elevated everyone on the planet. Someone created a bar. Someone else turned up the music. Another created a pool table.

“Sit down, sonny boy,” Tazz told his boss. “I’m buying, you’re drinking. You might even join us in song and laughter.”

“Allow me, Miss Vina? Pink champagne.” He filled her glass.

It went down far too smoothly. The Talosian with the idiot grin kept refilling her glass. Such merry eyes, an all-consuming grin gave her the notion he’d never punished anything in his life. When she looked at this man, she didn’t see his diminutive size or his huge, weird head. She saw a little boy waiting for Christmas. He was hiding a happy secret she couldn’t guess at.

She learned he was Dr. Tazz Tova, Chief Rewarder. The Keeper said he couldn’t punish anything to save his life.

“We went to school together,” the Keeper said. “You know those gorilla creatures with the warthog faces? We practiced on them.”

“Yes. We had Brightside for R.E., that’s Rewarding Experiences. Garsd was master of Correction and Punishment, and the dour-faced Magistrate here very interested in punishments.”

“At least I’m not a pleasure whore.”

“I wouldn’t trade places, boss.”

Tazz sat beside Vina the next time he refilled her glass. They clinked.

“Feels like the whole world’s in love, doesn’t it Everyone happy and connected.”

“Is this a holiday of some kind?”

“It might just be, Miss Vina. I bet one day, we’ll call this Salvation Eve, or something of that nature. I also await the arrival of a special human. My lovely SweetMind is on the same ship.”

  “SweetMind?”

“Well, that’s what I call her. I’ve called her that since my mind touched hers across space yesterday. Such an array of sensations and cognitions. Sometimes delicate as fireflies, sometimes more vibrant than the gem-flowers of Ali’I VI. It’s said the gem-flowers  

      Are a wonder to behold. An amalgam of plant and mineral. Like walking through gardens where you can pick jewels off trees. By this time tomorrow, at the latest, my love and I will stroll those gardens, picking living sapphires and rubies and diamonds. Wooing madly.” He refilled his glass.

“I don’t think she’ll go for you, sir. You don’t look like a human male, which is probably what she wants. Besides, once she sees that head … no offense, but I don’t think she’ll go for you, sir.”

“And I think she will, sir. To my beautiful SweetMind, Not forgetting your very special human, arriving tomorrow. Here. Let me top that up. You can’t toast with an empty goblet. Save me a dance, won’t you?”

“Sure, if I can still stand.”

Later, after they danced and were seated at the bar, Vina said, “I must say I’m curious. I can’t wait to see what turns an anti-sexual Talosian into a hunk o’ burning love.”

He winked. “One hell of a female?”

“Must be. I can’t wait to meet her.” Point her out to me tomorrow.”  

“I can do more than that. Want too see her now?”

“Yeah, you know it.”

“Sorry,” said the Keeper. “We haven’t time. The party’s over. That ship will be here in a few hours. Bed. That’s an order.”

“I’ll point her out tomorrow. Good night, everyone.”

The whole bar shimmered out of existence.